Since I have been over fifty I have noticed my attitude to life has changed dramatically. I spent my forties fighting the aging process, expensive face creams, going on diets, trying to exercise more and yet as I progress through my fifties all that seems to have gone by the wayside. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want to suddenly wake up and find I have a blue rinse, perm and crimplene dresses as that is not me and even my mum doesn’t dress like that at 78!! But looking glamorous and turning heads is not what it’s about these days, I find I am more interested in the spiritual side of life, I am drawn to people who are interesting, have an alternative outlook on life, who have a passion. I am not interested in going to bars and seeing who is out and about, I would rather meet up with friends for a coffee, go to the theatre or a concert, instead of going on holiday to sit on a beach and drink cocktails I would prefer to  travel independently and see the world from a different perspective. 

I find myself getting involved in political causes which I would have avoided like the plague a few years ago, and the subject of God / Universe / Source  and spirituality is now of huge interest, why are we here?, what is our purpose in life? and the synchronicity and wonder of nature and our planet has hit me as awesome – it is like having my eyes wide open for the first time in my life.

I am reading books on this subject and suddenly the world is making sense, the dots are starting to join and make a view of life that I understand – it’s like I ‘get it’ , I don’t know how to use what I ‘get’ but I do ‘get it’, and I have realised that actually each one of us on this planet can make a difference by joining together.

Hopefully I will have at least another 30 years in this life, and when I look back at the last 30 years, I have got divorced, remarried, brought up 2 sons, got divorced, had a 2 careers, travelled a bit and met some wonderful people along the way, and  in the next 30 years so much is possible. I may take life slightly slower this time but I have only me to worry about as my motherhood years are gone and therefore there is more time to do exactly what I want to do and to follow my dreams – it is very exciting!!

Jane x

The Menopause.. Are we the only ones who take it seriously?

This was the column that appeared in the West Briton a couple of weeks ago…

If most of us were writing our CV’s today we could easily say that we have extensive people  management and negotiating skills  (you have to have  if you have brought up teenagers!!),  we also usually have experience in budget handling and finance management  – anyone who has juggled a home budget for a number of years knows the rudimentary elements of finance!

In short when we get to our middle years – we have a lot to offer!!  And the bonus is we probably don’t have child care issues anymore and have maybe lost the cut throat ambition that we may have had when we were younger so we are more flexible as a workforce.

One of the issues I have been hearing about is that when we reach that ‘certain age’ along comes the ‘M’ word and we often receive little or no support during this short period of our lives.

Ask anyone not female or too young to have experienced the menopause ‘how does the menopause affect women?’  and the usual answer will probably be ‘hot flushes’ ,  which shows how little knowledge about the menopause is mainstream.

The NHS estimate that 80% of women in the UK experience symptoms leading up to the menopause and without treatment they can last 2 to 5 years, of this 80%,   45% find their symptoms difficult to deal with.   I’m not going to list all the symptoms, use Google and you can read them all for yourself, however the more important ones are  fatigue, sleep disorders,  disorientation, memory lapses, racing heart, anxiety, aching joints, and Osteoporosis, in addition to the gynaecological changes that occur.

The TUC state that in general, managers did not recognise problems associated with the menopause, discussion with managers was embarrassing or difficult and in some cases the issue was ridiculed when discussed. Also managers tended to criticise sick leave related to menopausal symptoms. So perhaps we should highlight this issue with our employers / unions and hope that they can put something in place that protects us during this vulnerable time, and also bring the subject out into the mainstream to get rid of the embarrassment surrounding it.

The good news is that there are a number of options that women can take medically such as HRT, there are many natural remedies that work, and symptoms are greatly reduced with a good diet and a reasonable level of exercise. There are local support groups out there such as WOW (Women of Wisdom – contact Lyn Thomas  lyndi6@hotmail.com) and there is a wealth of information on the internet on ways to minimise the symptoms.

Once the symptoms have passed, we can look forward to a different phase of life, free from the worry of pregnancy and many gynaecological issues associated with being of child bearing age – so there is light at the end of the tunnel – and my older friends say it is a new lease of life.

So – if you are coming up to the age where the ‘M’ word is going to arrive, gather your information, know your enemy, make sure those around you know what you will be going through and make sure your employers are also aware that you may require some support if the symptoms are severe.

Don’t suffer in silence, discuss the issues with those closest to you – we deserve the support, after all we have earned it!

First of all apologies to Lyn Thomas who runs this group as I should have done this months ago and got waylaid..

Lyn runs a group called Women of Wisdom which meets once a month on a Thursday afternoon  at Carnon Downs – it is a chance to get together with other women and they have speakers / events which sound really interesting..

Women of Wisdom Details

Lyn can be contacted on (01872) 274342 07580 363999  Lyndi6@hotmail.com

Jane x

For my birthday last month, we (my friend and I), decided to go to Plymouth and engage the services of a personal shopper. I had already decided I needed to be ‘Gokked’ but as he was busy we decided to book with a very nice lady from Debenhams…

She was lovely, about the same age as us, very well dressed, and she did choose some clothing that I would never had thought of, some I hated and some I thought looked pretty good.

I found out I was wearing the wrong sized bra (again!!), and after trying on little black dresses and been told that ‘one has to wear the correct underwear’ i.e. big pants, ended up being persuaded to buy some quite expensive tops and trousers, and a beautiful dress that if I ever got to go on a date again would look lovely!!

So £400 lighter, I took my spoils home, and next day tried it all on again. Without the encouragement of the PS I realised that I had bought stuff that wasn’t me, I did love the coloured skinny jeans and one of the sweaters, and the dress was beautiful but would I spend £90 on a dress that I wouldn’t wear unless I was miraculously whisked off to dinner? which has only happened once in the last 3 years!!

As I packed the clothes away I realised that whilst someone can suggest different styles and it is good to go out of your comfort zone sometimes, she didn’t know that actually I am a bit of a hippie at heart and I am happiest in jeans and a baggy sweater and if it wasn’t for the fact that I have to dress somewhat tidily for work my wardrobe would be a lot more limited than it actually is!   As she didn’t know me she could only dress my body shape but not my personality, and I don’t like wearing the tummy flattening big pants because they are bloody uncomfortable!!

So apart from one jumper and the well fitting bra everything went back (another 150 mile round trip) and although I tried to hide and return the items without her seeing me I got caught and was really embarrassed that everything she had said looked amazing was being returned. But it wasn’t me – I will buy some red skinny jeans closer to summer, I do know more now what suits my body shape, and she was lovely but she didn’t know who I am and that was why most of it got returned..

So would I go again? I would definitely recommend going once, and definitely if you are mother of the bride or need that kind of outfit, but for a boost I think you would be better taking someone who knows you well but will make you try stuff that you don’t normally wear – that way you get the best of both worlds..

And I haven’t needed to go and buy a ‘going to dinner’ dress again yet but I’m still waiting!!

Jane x

Do you remember leggings back in the 80′s ?  All the big hair, leg warmers and spandex - 

well when leggings came back I avoided them like the plague, but actually I have been converted…

There are lots of tops / short dresses around that are lovely but not the right length if you are the other side of 40, however with a pair of leggings and boots we can wear them!!  I am not advocating bum-skimming mini dresses but lots of the couple of inches above the knee tunics give us enough coverage not to feel like we are too old but allow us to wear something younger in style. And it will work in summer too with lighter / shorter leggings and sandals.

The other thing you can do if you still feel they are a little too short is get an above the knee denim skirt and layer that with a longer top and then leggings – it is a funky look that any age can wear. I know for me it is often about giving you the confidence to wear something you love without feeling self-conscious - as there is nothing worse than going out wondering if you are dressed too young (although after a few G&Ts who cares!!).

One tip I would say though is to choose the thicker pairs – otherwise they sometimes look like tights.

You can also try jeggings (hate the name but they do look good if you wear them right) – a dark blue pair with a tunic and boots look great and don’t look like jeans.. or even wear jeans with a short dress.

We need to take a tip from the students we see around – they wear everything together and have the confidence to do so – so try layering.. it may change your life (well almost!).

Jane x

I thought I would put this on the website as it was my first try at writing a column, it is currently published in the West Briton every seven weeks, the next one being due out tomorrow…

Ladies please read..
Are you over 45? How are you feeling right now? Bought any of the glossy magazines recently? See any women of your age in there that aren’t cosmetically ‘enhanced’? Watched TV recently? Seen any ‘normal’ female celebrities of our age? – Not many I bet? Role models.. Madonna? Dating very young men and adopting children? Carole Vorderman – beautiful, intelligent, confident but still felt the need to have surgery..
It appears that to be successful in the media one needs to spend half your life in the gym and undergo cosmetic and /or weight-loss procedures so that you can appear to be at least 10 years younger. How does this make us ‘normal’ women feel? Personally whilst I would love to look 10 years younger, actually a brilliant part of growing older is having that confidence to say ‘this is me – I have earned this face and it tells the story of my life’. This is not about letting yourself go – I am the first to spend money on the latest ‘miracle cream’ but about accepting that we are the age we are, and that in our own way every one of us is amazing, however I also do not want to spend hours in the gym and live life on a diet so that I can be the size I was when I was 21! Life is too short and there is too much life out there waiting to be sampled to waste time chasing what was!
We ladies of a ‘certain age’, (I believe), are largely ignored as a consumer / demographic group and are not specifically targeted as consumers. We don’t move from reading magazines such as Cosmo to People’s Friend as we hit 50, in our heads we are not old and we are fitter and healthier than previous generations as we reach our fifties. We have more time for interests and passions, we may have more income as mortgages get paid off and children leave home and education. We may be more committed to our careers as we don’t have to juggle child care anymore. I have friends who have started new careers, become accomplished photographers, artists, and started successful businesses all after 40.
So this column is a celebration of women of that ‘certain age’, we are all fabulous in our own way and society should recognise this, my goal is to start an online community / support group for women, just so that anyone interested could get together, eat cake (which is very important!), make friends, swap experiences and have a good time whilst supporting each other.

Jane x

A friend of mine mentioned that he had gone through the Tamar Bridge toll booth a few months ago and when he tried to pay the guy told him that the car in front of him had already paid for him and it was a ‘Random Act of Kindness’.

If you look on the net you will find this is a large movement that is growing e.g Random Acts of Kindness or Action for Happiness.

People reckon that you get more out of’doing’ it than actually receiving it and I think it is a great idea. It is a well known fact that people that are happy and live in the moment look younger, are healthier and more successful than those that struggle to find the good in their lives.

So I tried it today – I had a scratch card that had won £1, so I went and exchanged it at Sainsburys but instead of taking the card I had swapped it for I asked the girl to give it to the next person who came to the counter. She was surprised but said she would.. hopefully whoever received it won and if they didn’t at least it might brighten their day, and maybe they will do something for someone else. It certainly made me feel good!!

It doesn’t have to be money – it may just helping out a stranger in the street – there are lots of ideas on the websites. I think it’s a brilliant idea.

Jane x

Unusually I went out last night to see a band in one of the local pubs. These days it is probably a once in a couple of months occasion as to be honest as food and conversation is usually a better option but this band is always worth seeing..

It was a great opportunity to people watch…

The majority of people on the (small) dance floor were under 25, mostly female and drinking. There were a couple of girls who had decided they would flirt with guys in the band and the more alcohol they were consuming the more watchable it became… There was a guy in his late fifties up there dancing – and he could move!! As well as a younger guy who I think was dancing more to impress the girls than for his own enjoyment! Some of the other girls dancing were putting on a show for the guys and it was almost like watching courtship rituals on nature programs!

What struck me though was that, although being older means we almost become invisible to those much younger in the environment we were in last night, actually being invisible means that you now go out without any worry about wearing the ‘right’ clothes and whether you are going to meet that ‘someone’ tonight (if you are single obviously), and gives you the freedom just to enjoy the moment and whatever is going on in front of you. Going out (for me personally) is far less stressful than it used to be, I still like to look nice but now it is a case of ‘this is me’ and I don’t worry about whether I will fit in, and what other people will think because it doesn’t matter any more – as long as I feel good then that’s it.

I left thinking I was glad I wasn’t under 25 any more (although I must admit I wouldn’t mind swapping for a day or so…)

Jane x

Over the last few years my attitude to life has changed dramatically. Twelve years ago I was a newly divorced single mum, just turned 40, struggling to pay a mortgage, provide for two sons, (one of whom was exceptionally unhappy about his parents break-up and showing his unhappiness through his behaviour), hold down a particularly demanding job and not really thinking about anything except coping with whatever life was throwing at me.
Around this time I met Sue, around 10 years older than me and she became a good friend, giving advice and telling me wonderful stories of her teenage life in the sixties!
Unfortunately Sue suffered a stroke at the age of 55 which was life changing for her and I watched her recovery over the following 5 years, her stroke had a profound effect on me in that I realised life can throw you a curved ball which you were not expecting and that perhaps I should look at my life and start living in the now rather than waiting for the next ‘big thing’ to come along, whether that was the elusive lottery win, knight in shining armour or whatever!
Sue sadly passed away early last year, and I found I was still looking for answers and came across a book that, for me, was inspirational – Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, be Mindful and Live Intentionally by Patti DIGH – the product description was intriguing.. In October 2003, Patti Digh s stepfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. He died 37 days later. The timeframe made an impression on her. What emerged was a commitment to ask herself every morning: What would I be doing today if I had only 37 days left to live? The answers changed her life and led to this new kind of book. Part meditation, part how-to guide, part memoir, Life is a Verb is all heart. Within these pages enhanced by original artwork and wide, inviting margins ready to be written in Digh identifies six core practices to jump-start a meaningful life: Say Yes, Trust Yourself, Slow Down, Be Generous, Speak Up, and Love More. Within this framework she supplies 37 edgy, funny, and literary life stories, each followed by a do it now 10-minute exercise as well as a practice to try for 37 days and perhaps the rest of your life.

It is american, but actually the message is so good, how long do we know we have left, surely we should concentrate on living our lives to the full. There is a great chapter on dancing in your car, how can you not be happy if you have your favourite track blasting out, we should all dance in our cars and to hell with what the driver behind may think – my dancing in the car track is ‘Don’t Stop Believing – Journey’ – what’s yours??
Jane x

As it is Valentines Day next Tuesday (hate it when I’m single – but there is a strange excitement to see what happens when  I’m not…and I have to say most Valentines Days have been a bit of a disappointment!!) I was thinking about types of love / relationships  and how they need to be tended… just like plants really.

I believe there are many types of love but the definition for me of love is that at the core of me there is a thread that bonds me to that person. I am not talking about love for your family as that is a different matter but again it is still a thread that bonds..

Romantic love is amazing, it can transform a person within days and is so beautiful to watch it develop between 2 people.

So is a relationship like a plant? it needs to be nurtured, watered, have sunny times but depending on the type it will survive, thrive or die  in different conditions…

There is the intense, passionate, short lived type of relationship, you meet, the attraction is instantaneous, it may be an unlikely match, but for a period of time it is glorious, beautiful and stunning to view. Picture the Peony, beautiful red / pink flowers, the blooms are so fragile,the slightest wind or rain shower destroys them. Out of that intense time there may develop a long term relationship but with most of the experiences I have seen around me, it has been a beautiful blooming that has then disappeared very quickly.

There is the rose, flowers year after year, grows slowly and produces beautiful blooms, a much slower relationship, but this has to be pruned occasionally to get the best show of flowers and produce a healthy plant. It is also susceptible to pests and blight but can survive if treated which is a bit like marriage, ups and downs, children perhaps, other circumstances that may kill a relationship if not dealt with. Roses are beautiful althiugh not necessarily exotic,  but a garden full of roses is wonderful. Pretty good type of relationship though too in my opinion!

There is the relationship choked by others, you plant your seedling, water it, put it in a position it favours, all looks great, you can see the buds coming along nicely, this is going to flower into something wonderful… but then you realise, you have Japanese Knot Weed or similar growing next to it. Within a short time your little plant is choked, even though you weed regularly, you can’t stop the roots being strangled and before your seedling flowers it has wilted and died, and there was nothing you could do to stop it!! These relationships have all the promise of something wonderful, but along comes that weed, be it a person or circumstance and it will kill your fledgling relationship dead.

There are the annuals, you buy them at the Garden Centre every year, put them in your pots, never expect them to survive later than September, sometimes you forget to water them (or usually in my case) and they may fail over the summer anyway – these are  the relationships which happen, you hook up, you like each other, it’s all ok for a few months, then you realise you both are not that bothered and go your separate ways. Occasionally though these annuals survive against all odds and become a fixture in your garden, self-seed and are there for a much longer duration, just like some of those relationships that start off as nothing much but somewhere along the way become very strong and withstand all that life throws at them.

There is the love of friends, these are like Hostas, they are there even when you can’t see them and they come up year after year, larger and stronger, you have to keep the slugs and snails away but apart from that with very little attention they are always there, dependable and although the flowers are not that attractive, it is the leaves that are beautiful, all different stripes and shapes showing the diversity of our friendships…

As I said – I am no gardener, I have just about run out of plants I know to be honest, but we all want to be loved in some way. It’s not about having a bright red card or a box of chocolates, it is about being made to feel special and loved and that should happen every day not just on February 14th.

Jane at Fab at Fifty

(Who will be found at home on Tuesday with cake in front of the TV!!)

Last year I was floundering…

I had returned to a job that I had loved but was going through ‘de-selection’ against colleagues and friends whom I had worked with for many years, and there was a threat of other friends losing their jobs too.

I had been on my adventure and once I had settled back into my old life I was totally lost, I didn’t know where I fitted in any more, my house needed serious work, and I came down to earth with a crash.

I was looking for answers, and an email arrived in my inbox stating… You’ve only got one life. How’s it going so far? How this company got my email address I have no idea but I went along out of curiosity, and what the day did was focus on 3 things..

1) What Makes You Happy

2) Where are you now, where were you at a chosen point in time, and where do you want to be in X years time..

3) How do you choose something that you really want.

It was a very interesting day, and what it did for me was force me to look at what drives me, when I do something I enjoy why does the doing make me happy? and it uses a very simple premise, just keep asking yourself why?, drill down why and you will be surprised at the answers. I found out I like making stuff and baking because I can get lost in the doing and not think of anything else, and also I get a kick out of other people enjoying what I produce, I also crave communication and like problem solving.

That day changed my attitude, in that I realised I didn’t have to do what I have always done any more, I can work towards doing more of what brings me enjoyment.  There is no point on focusing your whole life on a job you don’t enjoy, you may still have to work in the same job, but you can focus on the other aspects of your life that you can choose, art, creative stuff, exercise.. whatever brings you joy.

If you make small changes and start mixing with people who enjoy the same things (I joined a photography club and love it!), you will be amazed at how things change.

Be pro-active.  For instance if you can’t find a class in what you want to do, research someone who is involved in the activity and contact them – you never know where it will lead… and most people will take the time to help you.

My best friend has a new saying (Which I am getting sick of hearing but it is so apt )- if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got!!

So get out of that rut, look at your life and discover what you love to do – you already know really – you just need to ask those questions of yourself!!

Jane x

This time last year I was on an adventure. I was lucky enough to get a 3 month secondment working in Bermuda. When I applied for it I never thought I would actually go but amazingly everything fell into place and on the 14th January 2011 I was on that plane!

I had a wonderful time, the work was quite intense but my workmates were very welcoming and everything was made as easy as possible for me. I also inherited a great bunch of friends who made sure I was always included in anything they were doing. I was visited by friends from home, and it was amazing!

The social side of my stay took me completely outside my comfort zone but I have to say I totally enjoyed it – here I was over 50, with a circle of friends in their 30′s, some single, some attached and they appeared to not notice the age difference (maybe they just hid it well…). What I did notice however was that, whilst my alcohol tolerance increased quickly, I realised that my stamina didn’t quite match and I took to disappearing around midnight (late for me) whilst they would go on until the early hours. The bar culture there is very different to the UK and the great thing was that people of all ages frequented the bars and the clubs – I didn’t feel too old (as I would here), as the clientele were mainly in their thirties and above, mostly due to the age of the ex-pat population and the fact that the 18-22 year olds were all away at universities and colleges abroad.

When it came to leave the island I really didn’t want to go, it wasn’t the wonderful weather, it was the friends I had made , my workmates, and the friends outside of work, the people I met along the way. The fact that everyone looked you in the eye, smiled and said Good Morning, whether they were school children or old ladies. I had missed my family and friends a lot but at the time all I wanted to do was stay, I felt very safe and cocooned whilst I was there.

It took me about 6 weeks to settle back into life back at home, and now a year on whilst I would love to go back and visit I have realised that I need to be wherever my family and friends are, I also need the challenge of juggling home, family, work and my life. I follow my friends over there on Facebook and via email, I am very jealous of the January weather, but it wasn’t real life for me, the work was real but I had no responsibilities outside of work which was alien to me.

So if the offer to work in Paradise arose again, would I go? If it was for a couple of weeks I would snap it up, but any longer and I’m pretty sure I would say no thanks – Paradise is wonderful but for me true happiness is at where my family, friends, and home is.

When the kids were babies we expected the sleepless nights.. my two were nightmares – neither slept through properly until they were about two years old, I remember pacing the bedroom trying to get this screaming child off to sleep – sometimes feeling total despair that he wouldn’t quieten down and that I had to be in the office for 8am the next morning (and believe me I didn’t choose to return to work!!).

This Christmas both boys were at home for the whole duration… son 1 back from his life and job in London, son 2 home more than normal because his girlfriend had gone away for the week. What I hadn’t bargained for were the sleepless nights, I know they don’t do early nights and always stay up watching TV, playing Playstation or updating Facebook with the wisdom of the moment, however virtually every night one or both were out, going out late and me waking up around 3am with the lights still on and them not home! When they did come home we then had the doors banging etc and I would count how many pairs of shoes were in the hallway as to how many people are sleeping somewhere in the house..

So the sleepless nights continued, I was accused of being stressy and not welcoming to their friends, I’m not particularly welcoming when someone locks themselves in my bathroom vomiting for 2 hours and son 1 cannot even remember which friends he had brought home!! The pay-back was the music on loud when I got up and the obvious hangovers they were suffering!!

At least when they were babies I would put them in the car and drive until they fell asleep, now I wake up and panic because they haven’t come home and it’s 5am… when do we stop worrying and start sleeping soundly? Out of sight out of mind works well until you see your son’s injuries on Facebook after he’s been beaten up for a bag of chips the night before, or he phones you to say he’s been knocked off his bike – then you want them close and they are usually hundreds of miles away.

Now Christmas is over and the nocturnal outings are confined to weekends, son 1 has returned to his exciting life in the Metropolis, son 2′s girlfriend has returned so I have some nights of peace, and the sleepless nights are tolerable because I’m happy they come home safe and well and then I can sleep well for the rest of the night.

Jane at Fab at Fifty

So – tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.. Is the little black dress coming out? Or the sparkly tops?  or are you like me, can’t see the point. We all have years when we just want to see the back of the year so that we can look forward –  or does looking forward make you realise another year over, another year older?

I can’t say I won’t be out having a drink in town tomorrow night but I don’t think I will be cheering the new year in kissing lots of people I don’t know either (and that’s not because I don’t like kissing strangers), just because to me we should be re-assessing our lives and situations as and when we need to rather than just once a year.

It is the same with new years resolutions, I will lose the weight, I will go running every evening, I will take up Thai cookery classes… bet you don’t!! The supermarkets are now full of fitness kit, yoga mats, weights, fitness DVDs that will be used a couple of times and put away. Isn’t it better to decide to lose weight when your head is right and you actually want to lose it – not just because it is the first of January.

So I will be taking time to remember the good things about 2011, the people I have met and become friends, the friends  I have reconnected with, the places visited, the experiences that will stay with me forever, the events that have me smile and feel so proud. I will also remember a good friend lost but remember her when she was well and the great friendship we had for many years.

Make a list of what you want to happen in 2012, phrase it in the positive not the negative, write it down in detail, put it away, forget about it and see what happens.. they are not resolutions but intentions - resolutions are destined to fail, intentions are far more gentle and the actions we may take are smaller and far more achievable and we have a whole 365 days to achieve them!!

So.. Happy New Year however you celebrate it.. and by the way – you look fabulous in that little black dress!!!

Jane at fab at fifty

I remember being told by a beauty therapist that once you are over 40 you should spend more money on skincare products as the more expensive products will be better for our skin. Personally I think she was just trying to sell me something REALLY expensive!

I didn’t really start looking after my skin properly until I was in my forties,mainly due to lack of knowledge and time, the last thing on my list of things to do in the morning or last thing at night was cleanse, tone, moisturise, and I had never really been brought up to consider it to be important. However hopefully I have made up for this lack of care in the last ten years and now wouldn’t dream of not slapping moisturiser on (except where too much red wine is involved!).

This is obviously only based on mine (and my friends) experience but I don’t notice the difference between the expensive brands and the cheaper products. It is better to try a few products and then decide what you like and use it loads..

I buy cleansing wipes (again Boots own or supermarket brands usually),  rip them in half as you don’t need to use a whole one and they last longer, then use serum and afterwards a light moisturiser. Favourites of mine are Temple Spa Peace be Still ( but buy it on Ebay its much much cheaper – too expensive to buy at a party plan or off the main website), or Lidls Shimmering Day Cream by Lacura at an amazing £1.99!! For serum Boots Botanics is a lovely one to use.

If you live near an Original Factory Shop they have great skincare and other beauty deals,  for instance the Boots Botanics Serum was an amazing £3 so it is always worth going in there to see what they have in stock.  They are now selling online too http://www.theoriginalfactoryshop.co.uk.

So I think the best advice is to find a moisturiser that suits you within your price range, use lots of it, drinks loads of water (even though that means running to the loo every 5 minutes – just think you will have great skin and be fitter!!), don’t drink too much, don’t smoke if you can possibly help it and get as much sleep as possible.

If you are interested in  really good books and a website that gives you the lowdown on what real women think of the products out there then look at http://www.beautybible.com or buy the books from Amazon.

Oh and the last thing – if you have daughters get them into skincare early – how amazing their skin will be when they are our age then??

So by now we will have been to a couple of Christmas Dos, eaten too much overpriced roast dinner and drank too much wine/gin and its not even the 20th December yet?

Years ago the Xmas Party where I used to work was legendary, the company I worked with hired a venue, we had access to a free bar, double decker buses were hired to take everybody there and would deposit us in the city centre on the way back so the partying could continue.There was always gossip about what went on and the male members of the workforce lived in fear as the ratio was approx 20 women to 1 man, these days  the girls’ behaviour probably  would have been grounds for  dismissal but 30 years ago it was considered high jinks – how times have changed!!

This year it was dinner in the local pub with workmates – a very quiet affair but to be honest it was probably less stressful and more fun. No worries about what to wear and how to get home – we had had enough by 5pm – gone are the days of drinking until dawn and then turning up for work to sleep it off!!

The family Christmases have changed dynamics too, kids are grown up and some are working, earning as much money as me without the crippling mortgage payments, the large expensive presents have been replaced with them telling us what they want and just a little surprise to open. Christmas Eve is celebrated by going to the pub with the kids rather than putting the carrot out for Rudolph and  trying to settle them down when they were so excited about what Santa would bring them.

We now have to wake them rather than be woken at 5:00am or earlier asking if ;He had come?’ and Christmas dinner is just a few of us as Grandparents can’t travel any more and after lunch the kids depart to various girlfriends / friends/relatives for more food and drink.

No doubt in a few years time when grandchildren are on the scene it will be full of that excitement again but for now Christmas is a very grown up affair, and I think that as we get older we realise it is just one day a year, and not worth getting too stressed about. It’s a time to catch up with family and friends and be a little nicer to people, it is also nice to be able to celebrate a religious festival without joining in the rest of the year. So once the turkey has been carved and the kids been delivered to their next family appointment we can sit back and relax with a glass of plonk and the obligatory tin of Roses – heaven!!

Does everything in our lives happen at the right time?

Personally I would say often the opportunity is brilliant, however the timing is rubbish!!

Opportunities come along that make us stop and think, whether it is to travel, have a relationship, start a business. Then it all comes down to timing, is it the right time to uproot your family? or travel and do what you want to do? is the economic climate right to start a new venture? are you ready for a new relationship? and only you can decide whether it is the right time or not. But what about the events that start off wonderfully and then falter because whilst the time is right for you it has come at a time which is not good for the other person or vice versa.

I have had a couple of relationships which I believe would have been really successful except that I met them either at the wrong time in my life or  at the wrong time in theirs… A matter of pure timing.  In one example the children were too young to uproot and move them away from their father who quite rightly wanted  equal parenting time, the other was a scenario of having a great relationship but my then  partner realising after nearly a year he didn’t want to have commitment straight after coming out of a very long marriage, both relationships  ended  purely because at the time these were issues that were too important to ignore, however if the children had been older or I had met my partner two years later they would not have been so important.

It seems life is so unfair when you know that everything would work out really well if the opportunity comes along at a time that is right for everyone involved! So the only thing we can do is recognise very early on that it isn’t the right time and not take any action that will make it more difficult to move away from the situation at a later date (harder said than done though!!).

When the timing is right though everything seems to fall into place so easily and any issues that arise are dealt with quickly and easily..then you know that whatever opportunity has come along was meant to happen!

So embrace the opportunities that are sent to enhance our lives and those of others, even if the timing isn’t right the chances are there will have been something positive to come out of the experience. As the old saying says -what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger (Friedrich Nietzsche).

Jane at Fab at Fifty